her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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