My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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