dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
my liver is dry heaving
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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