He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
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