oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
