mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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