i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
