There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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