i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
