There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Just high enough for therapy.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
