I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
