Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
one might say we're banned from that church
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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