Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
