My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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