Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
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