I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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