i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
