I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
you traded sex for a burrito?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
