I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
