I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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