Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
