he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
