We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
