fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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