youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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