And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Redeem this text for a blowjob
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
