I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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