dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize