is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
