are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
