I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize