I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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