I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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