My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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