For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
