You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize