We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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