i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
