his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
