Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize