I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
