it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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