why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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