The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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