My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
