i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
