Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
