nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
