we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
