Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
