God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
