well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
