So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
