I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
