I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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