i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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