he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
