Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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