His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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