My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
