Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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