is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
