the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
