Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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