Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
