yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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