how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
