I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
