I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize