So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
