he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
