We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
