Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize