2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
