we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
