I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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