You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
