Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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