if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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