so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize