No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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