I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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