oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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