Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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