big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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