how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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