Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
