you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Randomize
