toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize