I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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