Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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