it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Randomize
