so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
