Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
