I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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