My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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