If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
