Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
