she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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