My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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