my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
