You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
