I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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