He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
