Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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